Motherhood on the One Quiet Night

Today our truculent son left for a week.
Tonight my husband reads and, for my sake,
listens to music with the headphones on,
knowing I’m close outside, the windows are open;
knowing I pounce on quiet when I find it.

The grief: I cannot seem to move beyond it,
but in this silence I will try to save
some shred of this beastly day, try to believe
in redemption, and that I am not the beast—
voice tight, teeth showing, my hour come round at last.

Ivan Aivazovsky, The Shipwreck in a Stormy Sea (Public domain)

Wreck and Restore Me

Once on a violent afternoon
I prayed Please take me apart, and soon.
I fear what’s before me,
and grow despairing, mean and hard.
Demolish and renovate me, Lord.
Wreck and restore me .

Habit by habit, flaw by flaw,
break and mend me under love’s law.
The work requires it.
Retrofit me to do your will.
Yes, I know it will hurt, and still
my soul desires it.

Straighten what I have ruined or bent
for years since I was innocent.
Help me be mild.
The good in me please amplify
until this boy and you and I
are reconciled.