Parenting like God

In some respects parents cannot help being like God. They are so by nature; for what is so vivid a picture of God the creator, preserver, provider, comforter of his family, than the earthly parent, to whom the child owes its being; who upholds and guides its tottering steps in infancy; supplies its daily returning wants; dries its tear; and yearns over it with a love which the child cannot fathom, and, for a time, but feebly comprehend, and very imperfectly return. Yet this may be called involuntary on the part of the parents, or, at least, instinctive, insomuch as they do not in all this necessarily think of God at all, or desire to please him, or to be like him; but reflect his image as unconsciously as the beasts that perish, in their love for their young, reflect the glory of him who created them with instincts so tender and beautiful. But when a parent knows God and is a true child of God in whose heart the spirit of adoption has kindled the holy flame of confidence and love, by which we can look up, saying: “Abba Father!”; when we are “acquainted” with the character of that God, and the way in which we are educating ourselves for eternity; when we have truly apprehended, in some measure, the chief lessons which God imparts in his school by precept and promise, by warning and encouragement, by tender mercies and severe chastisements, by long-suffering patience or sudden infliction, and all to “train” ourselves up in the way we should go; then have we so far discovered the true secret of the education which we should give our own child. The nearer we approach that model of heavenly perfection, the more perfect will home education in the family become; for the children will thus naturally rise from knowing the earthly to knowing the heavenly parent. The one will be a reflection of the other, comparatively dim, no doubt, but still one of the truest on earth! The parent is a ladder, many a step of which will be broken, but still by it the child is enabled to climb upwards. The parent is the earthly pole around which it twines its early affections, and fastens its weak tendrils, and though it is perishing, and of itself unfit to be a permanent support, it may, nevertheless, lead the young plant towards heaven, and be its strength and stay until it finally reaches, and forever clings to, the “Rock of Ages”!

George Iakovidis, Children’s Concert, oil on canvas, 1894.

I have no advice whatever to offer parents as to home education during infancy beyond this – to interfere with their children as little as possible. There are few things in this world more wonderful to a thoughtful mind, or more delightful to a benevolent heart, than the joy of children. One of our greatest poets, William Wordsworth, says, with much truth:

But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

We need not do anything to make children happy. They are naturally happy in themselves. From the joy which God sheds within their souls like sunlight, joy shines upon everything without, and is reflected back from all. No poet ever had a more brilliant fancy, no philosopher busier thoughts! Children can create for themselves an ocean from a cup of water, a ship from a bit of straw, and summon out of bits of paper, or out of nothing, men and women, kings and queens, to obey their commands and contribute to their amusements. They are planning, contriving, and enjoying all day long. With all this God has placed them in his own school of providence, and in ten thousand ways, too many to number and too deep to understand, he is educating them, and teaching them lessons innumerable. He is doing so chiefly through what you yourselves are; and by the constant influence which is unconsciously exercised in the household by your own personal character. No doubt, a very wise and judicious parent can, from its earliest dawn, by more direct efforts, help to mold the child gently and lovingly into many good habits, such as patience, obedience, kindness. But this requires such tact and fine handling that few are fit for it. As a rule, I believe more harm will be done than good by attempting to apply any formal system of pruning and training to so tender a plant; beyond what is prompted by good common sense, guided by parental and Christian affection.

If you must, in short, give children something, confine your generosity to wholesome plain food from your hand, love in abundance from your heart, with as much light, liberty, and air as every day beneath God’s sky can afford, and they will educate themselves better than you can. Let these conditions be fulfilled as far as possible, even in one of our vile and horrid streets or lanes, and the child will thrive better in soul and body than when confined like a hot-house plant in a splendid mansion, pampered with luxuries, or teased and fretted all day long by some injudicious parent or teacher, who insists on training or teasing him or her up to become wonderfully clever or wonderfully well-behaved. Watch, control, lead, mold your children from infancy if you will, but, oh, let them be free and joyous! “Check not a child in his merriment; should not his morning be sunny?” Let them skip like lambs on the hillside, and sing all day long like the larks overhead in the sky! Let them be happy, and the light of their morning will make their day more bright and leave some golden touches on the clouds that may gather round them at the evening!

Source: Norman Macleod, The Home School (Paton and Ritchie, 1856) 15–16, 40–42, lightly modernized.