About the Book

With or Without Me is an unsparing and eloquent critique of religion. Yet Esther Maria Magnis’s frustration is merely the beginning of a tortuous journey toward faith – one punctuated by personal losses retold with bluntness and immediacy. “If God is love,” she writes, “then it’s a kind of love I do not understand.” She dares to believe anyway, although her questioning won’t let up. She ­fiercely dismantles both the clichés she’s heard in church and the endless philosophizing of her parents’ generation.

Magnis knows believing in God is anything but easy. Because he allows people to suffer. Because he’s invisible. And silent. “I think we miss God,” she writes. “I would never want to persuade anyone or put myself above atheists. I know there are good reasons not to believe. But sometimes I think most people are just sad that he’s not there.”

With or Without Me is a book for everyone – believer or unbeliever, Christian or atheist – who refuses to surrender to the idea that there are easy answers to the big questions in life.

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Praise

Esther Maria Magnis addresses traditional philosophy and religion head on in this unflinching memoir, which details her difficult sojourn away from the Christian faith and then back to it. Amid the spate of personal deconstruction narratives of the past few years, readers will appreciate this German author’s distinct perspective. With or Without Me is essential reading for anyone who has ever doubted God’s goodness in the midst of personal loss.

Christian Century

A mesmerizing, compelling story about loss, family, and faith… Magnis refuses to give easy answers about her difficult faith journey, leading to life-giving answers in ways a cuter treatment wouldn’t provide.

Connor Salter, Evangelical Church Library Association

Seldom have I read a Christian book that possessed such raw energy and passion. With or Without Me is an honest account of death, bereavement and grief which lays bare what it means to love and lose.

Inspire Magazine

With or Without Me is quite extraordinary. It’s poetic, written in such a way that it really draws you in, into your experiences and your inner life. It took me back to being a child and an adolescent and made me feel the way it felt then.

Justin Brierley, Re-Enchanting podcast

With or Without Me is utterly necessary. Breathtakingly honest with unflinching rawness, this book is a must read for anyone who has ever pondered the meaning of life.

Lydia S. Dugdale, author of The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom

Magnis recounts with brutal honesty the depth of her loss.

War Cry Magazine, UK

There are not many who dare to speak of God as unabashedly as Esther Maria Magnis.

Public Forum

I have not known anyone since Nietzsche who shows so shockingly what a catastrophe it is to not believe in God.

Robert Spaemann

Faith is like a piece of quartz that Magnis turns over in her palm, examining all its angles, the sharp edges and the shine. This lends With or Without Me a thoughtful and introspective quality, contemplative without being meandering... She deftly balances the transcendent and immanent as she recounts her walk towards God, yet never reduces her discussion of faith to abstractions.

Today’s American Catholic

Tablet of Contents

Tags:
Faith and Spirituality
Grieving