Americans are awash in personal freedom, often paralyzed by an avalanche of options, and lost in a forest of decision trees. We pick partners and schools and degrees and careers and hometowns and houses and “chosen families” and cars and tile for the bathroom remodel, and, yes, what to eat for dinner (the absolute bane of my decadent daily existence). When I returned to the States for college, it was the cereal aisle at the grocery store that encapsulated the wonders and woes of America’s endless selection.

Making the decisions that define our lives gives us a sense of agency and destiny. But it can also produce anxiety and fuel unrealistic expectations and deep disappointments. On a spiritual level, we might live in fear of missing our calling, or feel guilt over being disobedient to it. The pursuit of something perceived as a divine calling can encourage destructive narcissism, a hero/martyr complex that erodes self-awareness and deflects accountability. Particularly in some religious cultures, it’s hard to interrogate a person’s actions when they attest to God’s direction. Calling is often claimed, rarely questioned, and impossible to test.

A child of overseas missionaries asks how we know what our calling is and whether it really comes from God.