Ray, a farmer’s son from Minnesota, was called to the ministry in 1993 and was soon making waves because of his uneasiness with compromise. Having discovered what Bonhoeffer calls the “cost of discipleship,” he was determined to pay it, even if no one in his congregation was willing to join him in this quest.

After writing the open letter below, which mirrors the earnestness of his seeking, but also his humility, he found himself more and more alone. In 1995, he resigned from his congregation and moved to our community with his wife, Emma, and their teenage children.

Ray’s personality was anything but somber or religious. To most people who knew him, he was a fun-loving auto mechanic with a weakness for country. He was always cracking jokes. And even if he called himself a “poor soul” – and meant it seriously – it’s hard to imagine him saying it without a grin and a sparkle in his eye.

Could we come together sometime soon to make it clear where we stand? ...I myself want to be willing to give up everything that I have: my self-will, my own opinion, and I want to be willing to give up my service [as your pastor]. I am willing to say, “Here I am. Do with me whatever the Spirit tells you to do with me.” It is easily said: “I want to give my life for Jesus” and then still cling to my own opinion, and hold onto my own ideas.

Are we living a Christian life? Are we really pleasing Jesus? Do we truly love our brothers and sisters? These are questions we have to ask ourselves each day... Do we trust one another? Do we love one another? Do we admonish one another, and accept admonition in love? Some of these questions we could answer with a definite “No”.

It is high time we turned around and made a new beginning... Jesus never said “Wait,” or “The time is not yet ripe.” He said, “Today if you hear my voice...”

I am a poor soul, please help me.

In 2005, Ray was diagnosed with cancer. After surgery and therapy, he enjoyed four years of remission, but the cancer returned in 2009, and this time it was not treatable. Ray suffered agonizing pain in his last months. Still, he remained inwardly active and alive to the end. Speaking to a group of young adults in our church last year, he said:

If you’re young and carefree, you don’t think ahead....Maybe you don’t think at all! At least that’s how I was: I just lived my life, wasting time, not being honest. Jesus wasn’t even in the picture, or wasn’t enough in the picture. And that is actually the most important thing: following Jesus. Without him, you will fail. You will fall flat on your face. He said, “I am the way.”

 

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