For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

In the Old Testament, God’s relationship with his people is pictured as a marriage: “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” (Hos. 2:19). In the same way, the New Testament uses marriage as a symbol of the unity between Christ and his church. In the Gospel of John, Jesus is compared to a bridegroom. In Revelation we read that “the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready” (Rev. 19:7–9).

It is also significant that Jesus changed water into wine at a wedding. He had great joy in marriage, and yet it is clear that he sees it as a holy matter: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:6–9). Adultery is a horror in his eyes. This is because when a marriage is broken, the unity of spirit and soul between two people is smashed, and not only between the adulterer and his spouse, but also between himself and God.

God's Love Stands

Today the institution of marriage has been completely destroyed. Much of what is called “love” is nothing more than selfish desire. Even within marriage, many couples live selfishly. People are deceived into thinking that fulfillment can be found without sacrifice and faithfulness. They may live together, but they do not love each other unconditionally.

Still, God’s love stands amid this chaos. There is a voice within us that calls us to true love, which is true fulfillment. On some level, we all yearn to love with a free and open heart. And if we turn to God we can find this love.

Inner fulfillment comes only from loving another person. In a true marriage, each partner will seek the fulfillment of the other. This love does not seek only to give, but also to unite. If I really love another person, I will be interested in knowing what is in him. In love I will help him turn toward God, and then toward others. By helping each other in this way, the union between husband and wife is enhanced.

The faithfulness between husband and wife is a reflection of God's faithfulness, for it is God who brings them together. In God’s faithfulness we find the strength to let love flow through our lives, and to let our gifts unfold for each other. Of course, God’s love is also manifested in the love between believers in the church, but this love is different from the love found within a marriage.

Marriage as a Unique Bond

Nowhere is a person more dependent on someone else than in a marriage. There is a special joy in the heart of a married person when the beloved is near; and even when they are separated, the unique bond between them remains. Through the intimate relationship of marriage, something takes place which may even show in the couple’s faces. As von Gagern says, “It is only through his wife that the husband becomes truly a man, and through her husband that the wife gains true womanhood.”

In the unique bond of marriage we discover the deeper meaning of becoming one flesh. Obviously, to become one flesh means to become one physically and sexually, but it is far more than just that: it is a symbol of two people bound and melted together, heart, body, and soul, in mutual giving and total oneness.

When two people become one flesh, they are no longer two, but one. Their union is the fruit of more than companionship; it is the deepest intimacy. As Nietzsche writes, it is brought about by “the resolve of two to create a unity which is more than those who created it. It is reverence for one another and for the fulfillment of such a resolve.”
Only in such reverence and oneness does marriage fulfill the demands of the sexual conscience. Through the will to have children, to be fruitful and multiply, and through the togetherness that reflects the unity of God with his creation and his people, marriage gives visible form to God’s outpouring love.

Three Experiences of Unity

In God’s order of marriage there are three different levels of experience. The first is unity of spirit: the oneness of heart and soul in God. In this oneness we can have community not only with our spouse but with all believing persons. The second level is unity of emotion: the current of love from one heart toward another that is so strong that a person can, so to speak, hear the heartbeat of another. The third level is physical unity: the expression of oneness found when two bodies are fused in perfect union.

Too many couples today are content with the third level alone, or perhaps the second. But a marriage based on the physical and emotional is doomed to disappointment. Even though waves of emotional or physical attraction are natural, they can leave wounds if they are not placed under Christ. A woman told me that she and her husband had joined a church because they wanted to have a church wedding – not because they were interested in committing their lives to God. “My husband and I never talked about God’s vision for our lives, or about what we wanted before or after our marriage,” she wrote. “We were not on the same wavelength.” Now her husband has deserted her and their five children. It has become clear to her that because their commitment to each other was not grounded in Christ, she and her husband lacked a solid foundation for their marriage.

Healthy Marriage is Possible

If a marriage is to be healthy, it must be founded on unity of spirit, heart, and soul. The experiences of the heart that God can give in a true engagement or marriage are greater than we can imagine. If we live only in the world of the senses – of sleeping, eating and drinking, and sex – and do not take time to turn to God, our relationships will not last. But when we embrace God’s order, we will experience his blessings.

Anyone who has lived near the ocean knows something of nature’s power in the high and low tides. In marriage, as in friendship, there are high and low tides. When a relationship is at low ebb, it is easy for us to lose patience, to distance ourselves from our partner, and even abandon efforts toward a renewal of love. When God is at the center, however, we will be able to find faith and strength even at our lowest ebb.

 

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