The disciples said to him, “If that is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” To this Jesus replied, “That is something which not everyone can accept, but only those for whom God has appointed it. For while some are incapable of marriage because they were born so, or were made so by men, there are others who have themselves renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let those accept it who can.” Matthew 19:10–12

The gift of unity, whether with other people or with God, does not depend in any way on marriage. In fact, the New Testament teaches that those who renounce marriage for the sake of Christ are not deprived, but blessed. Jesus says that if we give up everything for him, he will be near to us at his return (Rev. 14:1–5). Whether such people find themselves without a life partner because of abandonment, death, or lack of opportunity, they can find a much greater calling than marriage if they are able to accept their singleness in the depths of their hearts. They can dedicate their lives in a special way to undivided service for God’s kingdom.

If we allow him, Jesus can fill every void

In the lifelong struggle for purity, those who remain single are no different from those who marry. Just as marriage is no safeguard against lust, neither can a vow of singleness keep a person pure. For every heart, purity demands constant watchfulness, a daily fight against the flesh, and a firm attitude against sin.

The Scriptures do not promise us the removal of temptation, but we do have the assurance that it need not overcome us (1 Cor. 10:13). If we prove ourselves in patience and faithfulness, God will help us. We cannot remain pure by the strength of our own will. Yet by the power of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to find freedom and victory (Gal. 6:1–2).

Those who remain single only because they cannot find a marriage partner can become bitter. In a way, this is not unexpected: loneliness and unrequited longing can harden any heart. But even such people can find peace, as Elisabeth Elliot asserts:

“Accept your loneliness. It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last. Offer up your loneliness to God, as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others. Above all, do something for somebody else!”

The solution, then, is service rendered to others. Teaching, nursing, counseling, or social work— any of these can lead to a fulfilled life. The world is full of souls dying for need of love, and those who are single are uniquely free to take up the task of being there for them.

Ultimately, we have to be willing to be used by God as he wills, and find contentment in whatever circumstances we find ourselves (Phil. 4:11–13). But we should never think that God does not love us. To doubt his care for us is to doubt the essence of his gospel: that every heart can find peace and rest in him.

Singleness can be accepted as a burden--or as a higher calling.

Single people must not stifle what is best in themselves, nor give themselves over to dreams that cannot be satisfied. They must not let self-circling fantasies block the unfolding of all that God has given them. If they are able to accept their singleness as a gift or a special calling, they will let none of their energy or love go unused. Their longing will be fulfilled in giving and showing love to Christ and to others. As Paul says:

An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs— how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife--and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32–35).

Earlier in the same letter, Paul refers to another blessing of singleness: the lack of care and worry over spouse and children, especially in times of hardship. “Those who marry will have pain and grief in this bodily life, and my aim is to spare you” (1 Cor. 7:28).

Widows, like the unmarried, are also able to serve when a married person cannot. Paul says, “A woman who is really widowed and left without anybody can give herself up to God in hope and consecrate all her days and nights to petitions and meetings for prayer” (1 Tim. 5:5). In the early church in Jerusalem, widows were therefore appointed to serve the poor, or entrusted with other responsibilities.

How sad it is that today, widows are so often neglected and lonely! If we care about “family values,” we will then find new ways to show single people that we love them, by caring for them and drawing them into our fellowships and activities. We need to welcome their gifts and services, and provide them with meaningful tasks.

No matter our state, all of us are called to love.

Those of us who are married should share our happiness with others. If fulfillment and joy can be found only in service to others, then we are called to a love that gives unconditionally. We should want to reach out to those who struggle with loneliness.

True love is found in its most perfect form in Jesus. Many of us have been touched by this love, or have been called and used by Him. But that is not enough. Paul warns us that the world is passing away (1 Cor. 7:29–31). What we need is Christ as a living force in our daily lives. We must seek this Christ with every fiber of our being, and ask that he is revealed today. We must ask for the courage to witness to him as he is. That is the essence of single-heartedness, and the service of singleness.

 

---

Your Turn. Tell us what you thought about this article:

Responses

Being single is not necessarily about being lonely.  When I first was pushed about why I was'nt married (after all, mom wanted grandchildren), it was.  I saw friends marrying off and had to look at the "Why mes." - I even married and found that I was more alone in our relationship because I had not been true to an inner commitment to God to be single - for God.  After his physical abuse, alcoholism and womanizing being my reason for becoming a workaholic, God intervened.  I became single again. Through soul-searching and therapy, I realized I had an inner calling to which God returned me to.

The pressures were off.  And what has happened is joy.  I have been able to do ministry, meet people, been in situations of joyious Christian community, and walked in a peace I never had while married.  God has literally taken me to the ends of the earth. He is not done teaching me, walking with me, and developing me by His grace and call to obedience to new life-situations and opportunities of service.

He may change the plan: a man may enter my world in a God-given way. But in the meantime, I am content. rich in daily blessings. I am most certainly never lonely - but have a sensation that He gives me a vast calm as he strides alongside me daily no matter what.

Carolee Uits
Columbus OH