Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother so that it may go well with you and so that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1–4

Having children today takes great courage, but that is what faith is all about: not knowing what lies ahead, and still trusting in God. A family grounded in this way will be stable and strong, and able to withstand the forces that attack all marriages. Any other basis for the union of marriage is doomed to failure, and will lead to chaos not only in the home but also in society.

Couples must bring up their children in God’s stead. For every child, father and mother stand for God. That is why the commandment to honor father and mother is so vital. Without it, the commandment to honor God has no meaning. Every child has an instinctive longing for the security of father, mother, and God. When this security is lacking, children will become resentful and rebellious as they grow older.

The same is true if a couple lives in dissension – if a woman does not support her husband’s task as head of the family, or if a man does not love and honor his wife. Children who do not experience the image and order of God in their parents lack the foundation needed for the development of their minds, souls, and characters, and this will lead to emotional difficulties as they grow up.

Bringing Jesus to your child

The first five years of a child’s life are formative, and are the best time for parents to bring Jesus to their children. This can be done by telling them about Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection. All these things will move their hearts and awaken in them a love for God and for Jesus.

We cannot bring our children to Jesus if he remains a mere figure in our Bibles. Children will always want to come to Jesus, but they will also rebel against false piety. We should be careful not to put our children under religious pressure or plague them with talk about sins they can neither understand nor commit. We want them to have a childlike attitude toward God, toward Jesus, and toward the Bible. It is of no use to make them learn the shortest passages of Scripture if God does not speak directly into their hearts. Rather than try to “teach” children faith, parents should live out their faith in a genuine way. When our children see that we rely on God for everything, they will feel an urge to pray and follow him of their own accord.

We must remember that every child is a thought of God and try to understand why it is said that “a little child will lead them” (Isa. 11:6). We should not try to shape children according to our own plans. God has a specific intent for each child, and it is our task to help them find it.

Guidance, not control

Raising children requires daily discipline, but discipline is not coercion: it is more about guidance than about control. Still, clear directions and consistent boundaries are always necessary. In fact, discipline is the greatest love we can show children. We must be on guard against flabby permissiveness. This is a fruit of an unhealthy emotionalism between parent and child. It inhibits the childlike spirit because it subjects the child to the spinelessness of an adult who has lost the clarity of Christ. Children must never feel ill-used if spoken to or admonished sharply. They need to learn to take themselves in hand and face up to what has happened when they are shown to be in the wrong. Yet even if a certain sharpness toward children is healthy, impatience is not, especially when it results in corporal punishment. That, Eberhard Arnold writes, is a “declaration of bankruptcy.”

We reject both the harshness of physical punishment and the power of manipulation: both are forms of authoritarianism that fail to see the child as a bearer of God’s image. The one approach fails in mercy and the other in honesty, and both fail in love. True authority stimulates and strengthens what is good in children by leading them to make their own decisions between right and wrong. Only when we lead children with trust and love will they feel the desire to struggle against the evil that tries to work in them.

God’s loving authority

I thank God that I had a father who could be very strict. Like any child, I rebelled at times against his strictness, but I always knew it was a sign of his love for me. As for my mother, my father insisted that we children show her respect. He would not tolerate disobedience to her. Only later did I realize his wisdom. It is the father’s task to uphold respect toward the mother, since she carries the weightier burden in raising their children.

Though my father could be stern, I never once felt threatened by him. Whenever he reprimanded me, I could count on his complete forgiveness and love once I had accepted my responsibility and wanted to make amends. I knew that the wrong I had done would be forgotten, and that I would be able to make a fresh start.

My father showed me the significance of the loving authority that only God can give. In each child’s heart is a longing to hear a “no” when a “no” is needed, and a desire to set things right when he knows he has done something wrong. True parental authority gives inner security to a child, because it provides boundaries.

Some parents are confident about their child-rearing abilities, and others are not, but there are times when all of us will throw up our hands. When this is the case, it is vital that we find the humility to ask others for help. Of course, help must be enlisted in such a way that it reassures the child in question, and not at the expense of a relationship with him or her. Even the best expert assistance may be a hindrance – and not a help. I say this because ultimately, “successful” parenting is not a matter of capability or wisdom, but of grace.

 

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Responses

Children are a blessing from God and Indeed a future Church and when brought up in the fear of the Lord and built on the right foundation, it implies a church which has the zeal to serve the Lord and which is well grounded in the word which the Lord Jesus refers to as the church 'built on the rock and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.' This means that parents must make some time regularly with their children to give them proper guidance especially during the first five years of their life which Johann Christoph Anold refers to as the best time for parents to bring Jesus to their children, which I think is absolutely phenomenon. In so doing we shall be developing a childlike attitude in them towards God, towards Jesus and towards the Bible. However, it is a collective responsibility including parents themselves, teachers and school managers, opinion leaders in our communities and the the entire community. The principle is 'each one, teach one' as we pass  on the message of bringing Jesus to our children and giving them the right guidance during the first five years of their life to the grassroots. God's grace will sufficient for us as we achieve this goal.

Michael Ssebbaale
Kampala, Uganda