As we recall the pain of 9/11 this weekend, we should also remember the solidarity and community that flowered in its wake. There is nothing so difficult to bear as loneliness. God created us as communal beings. Sometimes it seems like our world is devoid of true relationships. Technological progress has destroyed community, and made people seem unnecessary.

 

As the elderly are placed into retirement communities, as factory workers are replaced by robots, and as young people search for any employment, they fall into hopelessness. Some depend on the help of therapists or psychologists, and others seek avenues of escape in alcoholism, drugs, and suicide. Cut off from God and each other, thousands of people lead lives of desperation.

To live in isolation, whether outwardly or inwardly, will lead to despair. Thomas Merton writes:

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost... Despair is the ultimate development of a pride so great and so stiff-necked that it selects the absolute misery of damnation rather than accept happiness from the hands of God and thereby acknowledge that he is above us and that we are not capable of fulfilling our destiny ourselves. But a man who is truly humble cannot despair, because in a humble man there is no longer any such thing as self-pity.¹

We see here that pride is a curse that leads to death, whereas humility leads to love. Love is the greatest gift given to humankind and fulfills the longing of our innermost being.  It is the “yes” to life and to community.

God has planted in us a longing to come closer to him —a longing that urges us toward love, community, and unity. In his last prayer, Jesus points out the importance of this longing: “I pray that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.” (John 17:20-21).

No One Can Live Without Love

No one can live without love. Every person is called to love and to help those around him.  God wants us to find community with others. Whenever we meet a person’s inmost heart, we can help him, for “our” help is given by God himself. As John says, “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love our brethren. He who does not love abides in death” (1 John 3:14).

Jesus tells us that the most important commandments are to love God with our whole heart, soul, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. These commandments cannot be separated: love to God must mean love to one’s neighbor. We cannot find a relationship to God if we disregard others. Our way to God must be through other people, and in marriage, through our partner.

If we are filled with God’s love, we can never be lonely for long. God and our neighbor will always be near us. All we need to do is find them. When we suffer from loneliness, it is often because we desire to be loved rather than to love. Happiness comes from loving others.

By sending us his son Jesus, God shows us that he will never leave us lonely or without help. Jesus himself said, “I will not leave you orphaned; I will come to you.” He promises us that “the one who has received my commandments and obeys them – he it is who loves me; and he who loves me will be loved by my Father; and I will love him and disclose myself to him” (John 14:18–21). Who can understand the depth and hope of these words? The loneliest person can be assured that God will never forsake them. Even if they are unable to find human friendship, they will never be alone as long as they hold on to God.

Abide in Christ

God brought Adam and Eve together to heal their loneliness, and he has the same plan for every man and woman he brings together in marriage. Yet marriage in itself cannot bring wholeness. If we abide in Christ, we will bear fruit. But if we isolate ourselves from him, nothing will go well.

Marriage is not the highest goal of life. God’s image is reflected most completely where there is love first for him and then for others. In a true marriage, the husband will lead his wife and children not to himself, but to God. In the same way, a wife will support her husband as a helper, and together they will lead their children to honor both their parents and God.

To help one another on God’s behalf is not just an obligation, but a gift. How different our relationships would be if we rediscovered this truth! We live in a time when fear and mistrust grip us. Where is the love that builds community and the church?

There are two kinds of love. One is turned selflessly toward others. The other is possessive. Augustine says, “Love is the self of the soul, the hand of the soul. When it holds one thing, it cannot hold something else. If it is to hold what one gives it, it has to put down what it is holding.” God’s love desires nothing. It gives and sacrifices itself with joy.

Love always has its roots in God. May God grant that the power of his love grips us anew. It will lead us to others, to share our lives with them. More than that, it will lead us to the kingdom. Love is the secret of God’s coming kingdom.

 

^1. The Thomas Merton quote is from New Seeds of Contemplation (New York: New Directions, 1972), 180.

 

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