Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. Luke 16:18

The question of divorce and remarriage is one of the most difficult issues facing the church in our time. Though a majority of Christians believe that these are morally and biblically permissible, Jesus' words on the matter are clear and unambiguous: "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder" (Matt. 19:6).

A marriage bond may break, but can never be dissolved.

People argue that though God hates divorce, he allows it as a concession to our sinful condition. They explain that marriages can "die" or dissolve because of our hardness of heart – and that God recognizes our frailty and does not begrudge us the chance for a new start, and a new marriage. But what about the vows a couple has made before God? And can we ever invoke his mercy to excuse our own unfaithfulness?

Jesus himself acknowledges that Moses allowed divorce as a concession to Israel's hard-heartedness (Matt. 19:8). But among his own disciples – those of us who claim to be born of the Spirit – hard-heartedness is no longer a valid excuse. Jesus says that the "one who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matt. 5:31–32). The disciples understood this decisive word of Jesus clearly: "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry" (Matt. 19:10). But Jesus pointed them further, to grace: "With God, all things are possible." (Matt. 19:26).

Even if Moses sanctioned divorce out of necessity, this doesn't change the fact that marriage is meant to be indissoluble. Paul writes to the Corinthians:

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: a wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:10–11).

He also writes, "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, as long as he belongs to the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39). And in Romans he says, "and if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is an adulteress" (Rom. 7:3).

The answer to a broken bond is faithfulness and love.

In the same manner, Jesus accepts divorce for reasons of fornication or adultery. But this cannot be seen as license to remarry. Jesus' love reconciles and forgives. Those who seek a divorce will always be left with the stain of bitterness on their conscience, and no matter how much pain an unfaithful partner may cause, a wounded spouse must be willing to forgive.

Only when we forgive can we ever hope to receive the forgiveness of God ourselves (Matt. 6:14–15). Faithful love, to our spouse and to Christ, is the only answer to a broken bond. For this reason, couples must place their allegiance to Christ above their allegiance to each other. Rather than weakening the bond of marriage, this attitude saves and protects it. It calls the offending partner back to faith again and again, and preserves the unity of marriage as a natural extension of each partner's union with God.

Having counseled married couples for decades, I have seen firsthand that this commitment to God first – and to one's marriage partner second – is the only sure guard against the storms that threaten to break up every marriage.

True faithfulness is not merely the absence of adultery.

Though God hates divorce, he will also judge coldness and a lack of love. Couples who merely coexist – without a total commitment of heart and soul – will not stay together for long. Mutual tolerance is not peace, and as their parallel lives lowly diverge, they will become estranged from one another. True faithfulness is not simply the absence of adultery. Rather, it is a living relationship that must be nurtured, lest it be stunted and die.

The Old Testament prophets describe God's commitment to Israel in terms of marriage – that is, the faithfulness of a groom to his bride (Hos. 3:1). In the same way, the Apostle Paul talks of Christ as the bridegroom and the church as his bride. Only in the spirit of these biblical images can we clearly consider the question of divorce and remarriage.

Clearly, we must never judge a person whose marriage has failed, who or can no longer bear the strain of marital unhappiness or even abuse. At the same time, however, we must be faithful to Christ above everything else. We must embrace his whole truth, and not just those parts that seem to fit our needs (Matt. 23:23–24). Remarriage is wrong because it compounds the sin of divorce and precludes the possibility of reconciliation with one's first partner. And we are only beginning to confront the harm that it does to our children. Countless sociological studies show that the majority of children whose parents divorce are worried, underachieving, and self-deprecating. Even ten years after their parents separate, they still suffer from fear and depression, and display antisocial behavior.

With God, all things are possible.

Naturally, if divorce is to be avoided, the church must offer its members guidance and practical support long before their marriages collapse (Heb. 10:24; 12:15).

In those situations where a partner has become abusive, separation – even for years – may be necessary. But when this is the case, the church must find concrete ways to help both partners find peace: first by seeking individual repentance, and then by finding the mutual trust and forgiveness necessary to restore the marriage.

It is sad that in today's society, faithfulness is so rare that it has come to be seen as a "heroic" virtue. But shouldn't it be taken for granted, as the bedrock of our faith? (Gal. 5:22) As followers of Christ, shouldn't each of us be willing to hold firm through thick and thin? Only with such resolve can we ever hope to remain faithful to our marriage vows.

No requirement of the gospel can be regarded as too hard for those who earnestly desire to follow him. The way of discipleship is narrow, but Jesus promises us that his yoke is easy, and his burden light (Matt. 11:30) – and that he comes to bring us not only life, but life abundant (John 10:10). If we find his teachings to be rigid or hard, it is only because we no longer believe in the power of repentance and forgiveness.

If we look at Jesus' teachings with this faith, we will see that they can give us hope and strength. His righteousness is much greater than that of the moralists and philosophers. It is the righteousness of the kingdom, and it is based on the reality of resurrection and new life.

 

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Responses

Marriage is tough and it is important to be reminded that God should be the center of it at all times.  That divorce's effects weigh heavily on children, is proof positive of the Divine's intention and wisdom.  Thanks for this timely article, Br. Arnold. 

Marlon

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